I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
