you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
