I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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