____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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