Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
