Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize