He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
