yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
