meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
