he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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