You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize