Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
fuck your aforementioned shoe
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize