why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize