ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
