if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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