90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize