Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
