WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
