girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
