my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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