I wish my penis had an off switch
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
