we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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