probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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