my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
