I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
