do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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