You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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