I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
