cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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