I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Randomize
