If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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