I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
