Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
