Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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