I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
