I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
