what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
