You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
