who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
