My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
