The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
