textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
