i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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