I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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