legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
