my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
