I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
