taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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