Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
