My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
