i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
