I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dear god my vagina.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
