You made me cry and you don't even care
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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