There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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