I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
