Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
