i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
