You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Fuck appropriateness.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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