So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
