thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
