How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
