my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
