i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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