take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
