i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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