so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
